the number of the beast

My birthday is in November and people who are born in that month have two very clear, but different, destinies. They either rule at school because the are the eldest or they are the youngest (and the smallest and the weakest).

I belong to the second group...

I was in junior high from the age of 11 to 14 (instead of 12 to 15 years). I had masculinity problems back then. I was not only small and thin, but my body also developed slower than the rest of my colleagues. Imagine: My biggest dream when I was 14 was to have beard, mustache and hair on my armpits (axila in Spanish and Achsel in German). I have very clear memories of me dreaming of a magic lotion which could accelerate the hair growth. I think it is similar to what soon-to-be-bald-men experience when they start noticing their destiny.

Do you know the Italian football player del piero? I don’t like football, but I know that in the early 90's he was the one to be blamed for institutionalising a beard fashion. Maybe you remember men shaving their beard almost completely, but they left a thin line on the cheeks, around the mouth and finally joining a thin mustache-line. You may remember the name of this beard, it was the “del piero-style beard” also known as the “stupid beard”.

On Saturday, I was in the pharmacy and behind me at the cashier, there was a guy wearing the stupid beard. But the funny stuff was, the product he was buying.

Do you want to picture him? Austrian guy, late 30's, black hair, artificially tanned (fanta skin syndrome), body-builder-type and not so tall. He was buying a deodorant in spray.

The deodorant was called “beast”

Yes...the deodorant was called “beast”

The can had a number written on it “8x4”. I had to force myself to stop looking. But could not get this mathematic calculation out of my mind. It was obvious the result was 32...but 32 what?

I had to google “beast deo” and learned more about the product. Apparently “Beast” has lots of musk and other stuff in order to attract women.

After reading this, my question was still not answered: 32 what? Does the deodorant smells like 32 male elephants ready to mate? Does it smell like a donkey that hasn't taken a shower in 32 hours?


I am happy I don't need to spray the scent of 32 wild beasts over my body everyday in the morning...and I am happy that my masculinity issues were solved last year.