I was about 6, and Tita one year younger, when my mother asked us in Tita’s room a tough question for a child, at least for a child in our age. She told us “I am moving out today. I am going to live with your grandparents; do you want to stay here with you father or do you want to come with me?” Tita and I picked up the second choice. Tomás wasn’t asked, he simply came with us; he was not even two-years-old.
In the years after, I did have the feeling my father made a strong effort to re-bond with us. He later got married. Once, it may have been 1995, he took my sister and me to the cinema to see “The father of the bride”. A screwball comedy in which the main character (a man in the mid-life crisis) tries everything to improve the relationship with his daughter. I also remember that the movie had a happy end and that my father cried. Tita and I found that kitsch and funny.
Last Saturday Hannes and I went to the cinema to see “Allt Flytter” a Swedish film translated in German as “Männer im Wasser” (Men in water), but I think the English title is “the swimsuit issue”.
Allt Flytter is a visually beautiful (as all Swedish movies I have seen) and a fine comedy. The main theme is actually about friends and the sacrifices they make to save their friendship. There are many problems to solve in the movie (all of them have to do with the mid-life crisis), however the characters manage to solve them all in their very own way, in a way I haven’t seen in mid-life crisis-comedies.
The situations in the movie are so human and natural, and friendship plays such an essential role that I had to avoid crying at least three times. I did my best because I don’t like to be seen when crying…and Hannes was aside!
After seeing one of the most beautiful movie-endings, we went out of the cinema and Hannes told me that the film made his eyes wet several times, I thanked him for saying it first, and then I told him that the same happened to me.
I am happy my sister was not there, because she would have laughed like hell if she would have seen us there with glassy eyes, she would have laughed the way we laughed about our father back then…no, I know her, she would have laughed even louder :-D
Watching a beautiful film about friendship with my best friend was one of the nicest things I’ve experienced so far.
miércoles, 1 de diciembre de 2010
jueves, 25 de noviembre de 2010
I hate waiting
For me, the most suffering memories I have from my childhood are always related with waiting. As a child I hated the eternal waiting for the Christmas day to finally get presents. The scariest moments of my childhood was when I waited for the school’s grades to reach my mom, and one of the worst: I sadly remember myself desperately waiting in my dad’s truck for him to come out of an office on a hot summer day.
I am sure that nobody likes waiting, never.
When you wait for a good thing to happen, for example waiting for someone you love at the airport is incredibly hard. For me, times runs slower than physics can explain. When I stand at the arrival gates waiting for my mom, sister, brother, every second feels like I am trying to reach a snail, but I can’t, because I am moving slower…every second.
When I wait for a bad thing to happen, for example when I first applied to get the Austrian citizenship two years ago, I had so much time to thing of all possibilities: what am I going to hear, what should I do if the answer is positive, what should I do if the answer is negative, and so on, back and forth. Time stretches and all you can do is think of possibilities, and when the possibilities are immense, time runs as if it would be no end.
At the moment I am waiting, I have been doing so for some weeks. I am trying to decode an answer but I simply can’t…there is no way out, the only thing I can do is...to wait.
I am sure that nobody likes waiting, never.
When you wait for a good thing to happen, for example waiting for someone you love at the airport is incredibly hard. For me, times runs slower than physics can explain. When I stand at the arrival gates waiting for my mom, sister, brother, every second feels like I am trying to reach a snail, but I can’t, because I am moving slower…every second.
When I wait for a bad thing to happen, for example when I first applied to get the Austrian citizenship two years ago, I had so much time to thing of all possibilities: what am I going to hear, what should I do if the answer is positive, what should I do if the answer is negative, and so on, back and forth. Time stretches and all you can do is think of possibilities, and when the possibilities are immense, time runs as if it would be no end.
At the moment I am waiting, I have been doing so for some weeks. I am trying to decode an answer but I simply can’t…there is no way out, the only thing I can do is...to wait.
jueves, 11 de noviembre de 2010
The most egocentric blog-entry ever
Exactly one year ago I started this blog-project; it was actually planned as a way of communicating my adventures in Nicaragua, but now, this blog is actually my therapy.
Some of my work at the office implies data analysis. Yesterday, I analysed all my blog-entries (content analysis, without a list of pre-defined categories, the categories arose in the course of the analysis), then I did some basic statistics. Here some of the results:
The total number of blog-entries analysed was 46 (N=46).
- Food was the most common theme in all blogs, appearing in 27 of them (58%).
- In 40% of my entries I talked about drinks (for a series of reasons, I did not calculate the percentage of blog entries I wrote while drinking an alcoholic beverage). The most common drinks mentioned are: Prosecco, Chardonnay, Gin-tonic and chocolate milk.
- I was surprised when I calculated the percentages for the entries specifically mentioning girls, it was only 15%, and my age was mentioned only in 9% of the entries. Sincerely, I thought it would be way much higher.
This was a qualitative study, and when analysing the blog’s “mood”, I tried to be as objective as possible, but since I am the author of the texts and also of this analysis, I consider the level of interpretation was very low. Here the results:
- 48% of the entries can be considered as funny, and they are distributed all year long, however:
Frustration (10%) and Loneliness (9%) are present in entries written between
Oct ‘09 and March ‘10 (While in Nicaragua)
- Melancholy is present in 19% of the entries, and here the interesting data: 89% of the melancholic blog-entries were written in summer (between May and September)…a hell of a summer…
- Happiness (11%) comes only in the months of May and June. An interesting thing, since May and June were actually “melancholic” months. My interpretation: In order to cope with melancholy, I wrote about happiness.
- Music came in 20% of the entries. Childhood or children-related themes made up 17% of the analysed texts. Family and friends were counted in every fourth entry.
Summary: I love food and enjoy drinking. Nicaragua was a frustrating period of my life (But I remember it as a very nice experience). This summer was sad and my family, my friends, music and childhood are things I highly value.
P.S. The pic is me with a videocamera taped on my head :-)
Some of my work at the office implies data analysis. Yesterday, I analysed all my blog-entries (content analysis, without a list of pre-defined categories, the categories arose in the course of the analysis), then I did some basic statistics. Here some of the results:
The total number of blog-entries analysed was 46 (N=46).
- Food was the most common theme in all blogs, appearing in 27 of them (58%).
- In 40% of my entries I talked about drinks (for a series of reasons, I did not calculate the percentage of blog entries I wrote while drinking an alcoholic beverage). The most common drinks mentioned are: Prosecco, Chardonnay, Gin-tonic and chocolate milk.
- I was surprised when I calculated the percentages for the entries specifically mentioning girls, it was only 15%, and my age was mentioned only in 9% of the entries. Sincerely, I thought it would be way much higher.
This was a qualitative study, and when analysing the blog’s “mood”, I tried to be as objective as possible, but since I am the author of the texts and also of this analysis, I consider the level of interpretation was very low. Here the results:
- 48% of the entries can be considered as funny, and they are distributed all year long, however:
Frustration (10%) and Loneliness (9%) are present in entries written between
Oct ‘09 and March ‘10 (While in Nicaragua)
- Melancholy is present in 19% of the entries, and here the interesting data: 89% of the melancholic blog-entries were written in summer (between May and September)…a hell of a summer…
- Happiness (11%) comes only in the months of May and June. An interesting thing, since May and June were actually “melancholic” months. My interpretation: In order to cope with melancholy, I wrote about happiness.
- Music came in 20% of the entries. Childhood or children-related themes made up 17% of the analysed texts. Family and friends were counted in every fourth entry.
Summary: I love food and enjoy drinking. Nicaragua was a frustrating period of my life (But I remember it as a very nice experience). This summer was sad and my family, my friends, music and childhood are things I highly value.
P.S. The pic is me with a videocamera taped on my head :-)
sábado, 6 de noviembre de 2010
To hell with „tea for two“, we say „dinner for eleven”!
Sarah and I had an idea in summer: To open our own kitchen club. We talked about this project in a small café-grill in Vienna. I can’t remember the name of the place, but I remember what we ate: Portuguese sardines, grilled sausage, fried mozzarella and grilled Spanish chilli-peppers. I also remember that Sarah had a hangover, hence the sardines.
The idea of “the food conspiracy” (that is the name of our food club) was to cook every 3 months, switching between Vienna and Innsbruck. After many phone calls, we fixed the date and a 7-course menu.
This is how it went:
We opened a Facebook group and published the menu, and then we invited people to join the group and to make a reservation.
The night of our first event, eleven people came to my apartment: 7 guests and 4 friends of us. Most of the people did not know each other; there was a guest I did not know at all and another whom I have only seen twice before.
The guests were welcomed with a glass of prosecco at 19:00. When all eleven guests arrived, they sat at the table, and we started to serve. One hours d’oeuvre, two soups, salad, a hot tapa, main dish, second tapa (an improvised one!) and dessert. We also offered coffee and a very good plum schnapps.
This experiment was great. The people communicated well among themes (we were afraid that this could be difficult since they did not know each other), they were all happy with their meals. Sarah and I received applauses twice ;-)
The food conspiracy gave me a happiness feeling I never experienced before. Working hard to communicate through food (eyes, nose and mouth), receiving feedback, and after the two hours of serving food and washing dishes, Sarah and I sat with them, chatted and, with almost all of them, went to see a great concert: Red Sparrows.
The idea of “the food conspiracy” (that is the name of our food club) was to cook every 3 months, switching between Vienna and Innsbruck. After many phone calls, we fixed the date and a 7-course menu.
This is how it went:
We opened a Facebook group and published the menu, and then we invited people to join the group and to make a reservation.
The night of our first event, eleven people came to my apartment: 7 guests and 4 friends of us. Most of the people did not know each other; there was a guest I did not know at all and another whom I have only seen twice before.
The guests were welcomed with a glass of prosecco at 19:00. When all eleven guests arrived, they sat at the table, and we started to serve. One hours d’oeuvre, two soups, salad, a hot tapa, main dish, second tapa (an improvised one!) and dessert. We also offered coffee and a very good plum schnapps.
This experiment was great. The people communicated well among themes (we were afraid that this could be difficult since they did not know each other), they were all happy with their meals. Sarah and I received applauses twice ;-)
The food conspiracy gave me a happiness feeling I never experienced before. Working hard to communicate through food (eyes, nose and mouth), receiving feedback, and after the two hours of serving food and washing dishes, Sarah and I sat with them, chatted and, with almost all of them, went to see a great concert: Red Sparrows.
lunes, 25 de octubre de 2010
Hereby, I declare 2010 as the coldest year in human history
Cybernetics is, shortly said, the capability of systems to regulate, adapt and steer themselves.
Months ago, a friend of mine wanted to step out of "Los Gurkos" (a cultural association) because of internal problems. Los Gurkos had strong discussions: How to organise events, what was the common goal and they all had very different ways of working. Los Gurkos (as a cultural-event system) managed to find a solution by itself and no members stepped out.
I once read something linked to cybernetics in a cooking-book: Nature produces the food when humans need their nutrients. For example:
- In central Europe, potatoes (carbohydrates) and cabbages (vitamin c) are harvested in autumn and we need both nutrients when the winter starts.
- In Southern Europe and in Chihuahua, citric fruits are ripe in winter: Once more: vitamin c when we need it.
- In summer refreshing fruits and vegetables grow: watermelons, cucumbers, tomatoes, peaches, strawberries, etc.
- Since global warming started years ago, Austria has been producing better red wine; North Germany and Denmark have also started producing white wines.
What I currently don't like, and it brings me back to the topic of "self-regulatory systems", is that right now it is October and I am writing about 2010 as if it was already over. This year there has been snow in Innsbruck ever since January.
I don't know how I should self-regulate my happiness in 2010. Weather plays an important factor if you live in Innsbruck, and June, August and September were the coldest since decades, not to mention that this summer was only 3-weeks long.
Some years ago, I developed a system for forecasting nice or horrible winters (For me, a nice winter is short and a horrible is long). My indicator is very simple: If the first snow falls before my birthday it will be a horrible winter, if it snows after my birthday, the winter will be wonderful.
Today is October 25. I will turn 32 in three weeks and outside is snowing. Hereby, I declare 2010 as the coldest year in human history (I hope we can self-regulate to deal with that).
Months ago, a friend of mine wanted to step out of "Los Gurkos" (a cultural association) because of internal problems. Los Gurkos had strong discussions: How to organise events, what was the common goal and they all had very different ways of working. Los Gurkos (as a cultural-event system) managed to find a solution by itself and no members stepped out.
I once read something linked to cybernetics in a cooking-book: Nature produces the food when humans need their nutrients. For example:
- In central Europe, potatoes (carbohydrates) and cabbages (vitamin c) are harvested in autumn and we need both nutrients when the winter starts.
- In Southern Europe and in Chihuahua, citric fruits are ripe in winter: Once more: vitamin c when we need it.
- In summer refreshing fruits and vegetables grow: watermelons, cucumbers, tomatoes, peaches, strawberries, etc.
- Since global warming started years ago, Austria has been producing better red wine; North Germany and Denmark have also started producing white wines.
What I currently don't like, and it brings me back to the topic of "self-regulatory systems", is that right now it is October and I am writing about 2010 as if it was already over. This year there has been snow in Innsbruck ever since January.
I don't know how I should self-regulate my happiness in 2010. Weather plays an important factor if you live in Innsbruck, and June, August and September were the coldest since decades, not to mention that this summer was only 3-weeks long.
Some years ago, I developed a system for forecasting nice or horrible winters (For me, a nice winter is short and a horrible is long). My indicator is very simple: If the first snow falls before my birthday it will be a horrible winter, if it snows after my birthday, the winter will be wonderful.
Today is October 25. I will turn 32 in three weeks and outside is snowing. Hereby, I declare 2010 as the coldest year in human history (I hope we can self-regulate to deal with that).
martes, 12 de octubre de 2010
young, ambitious...and happy OR the sauerkraut incident
Life is sweet
While cooking dinner tonight, Anne and I were talking about the different kinds of crisis we are all exposed between the age of 23 and 35. She told me about a girl she knows from University, this girl is 23 and is incredibly ambitious and has such self-esteem, that she assures never to have suffered a rebound; she has never failed, and will achieve all her goals in life.
My favourite sauerkraut recipe
I love sauerkraut. I am the only Mexican I know who enjoys eating it. My favourite way of eating it is cooking it slowly with whole cumin seeds and juniper berry (the stuff they make gin with – in Spanish it’s “enebro” in German “Wacholderbeere”), then I add some sour cream and eat it with fried dough.
Regional ingredients are important
I buy my groceries mainly at a farmer’s market. By doing it, I can be sure that the vegetables and fruits were harvested ripe and they are season products. Many fruits and vegetables are harvested when still green and they mature while being transported in trucks. The farmer, from whom I buy my food, had fresh sauerkraut among her products, without hesitating, I bought 600 grams.
Life cannot always be sweet
Early today, when I came back from the office, I only had something in mind: Sauerkraut with fried dough. I cooked my sauerkraut slowly, as I always do. I fried the dough and chatted with Anne. When it was ready, I served a huge portion on my plate and sat on the table only to realise the sauerkraut tasted awful. That farmer messed up what could have been the best moment of the day. I was starving, so I ate the sauerkraut anyway, but I added massive amounts of Dijon mustard to make it edible. Right now, I am stuffed and upset. I hope my digestion starts soon so I can eat chocolate and get rid of the taste on my mouth.
Young, ambitious...and happy
I just realised I will never be like that 23-year old girl Anne told me. I will never achieve all goals in my life, surely not as long as a portion of sauerkraut can ruin my day.
While cooking dinner tonight, Anne and I were talking about the different kinds of crisis we are all exposed between the age of 23 and 35. She told me about a girl she knows from University, this girl is 23 and is incredibly ambitious and has such self-esteem, that she assures never to have suffered a rebound; she has never failed, and will achieve all her goals in life.
My favourite sauerkraut recipe
I love sauerkraut. I am the only Mexican I know who enjoys eating it. My favourite way of eating it is cooking it slowly with whole cumin seeds and juniper berry (the stuff they make gin with – in Spanish it’s “enebro” in German “Wacholderbeere”), then I add some sour cream and eat it with fried dough.
Regional ingredients are important
I buy my groceries mainly at a farmer’s market. By doing it, I can be sure that the vegetables and fruits were harvested ripe and they are season products. Many fruits and vegetables are harvested when still green and they mature while being transported in trucks. The farmer, from whom I buy my food, had fresh sauerkraut among her products, without hesitating, I bought 600 grams.
Life cannot always be sweet
Early today, when I came back from the office, I only had something in mind: Sauerkraut with fried dough. I cooked my sauerkraut slowly, as I always do. I fried the dough and chatted with Anne. When it was ready, I served a huge portion on my plate and sat on the table only to realise the sauerkraut tasted awful. That farmer messed up what could have been the best moment of the day. I was starving, so I ate the sauerkraut anyway, but I added massive amounts of Dijon mustard to make it edible. Right now, I am stuffed and upset. I hope my digestion starts soon so I can eat chocolate and get rid of the taste on my mouth.
Young, ambitious...and happy
I just realised I will never be like that 23-year old girl Anne told me. I will never achieve all goals in my life, surely not as long as a portion of sauerkraut can ruin my day.
miércoles, 6 de octubre de 2010
we are not alcoholics, we are only in our thirties!
Yesterday I got a call from my very friend Mai. She asked me how was I doing, how was work in the office, about my weekend and when my turn to ask questions came, I heard her new born baby on the background.
Yesterday, her child was only 72 hours old, and the baby sounded so wonderful! I can’t remember hearing a child as young as Mai’s son. When my brother was born I was five and very attached to my mom, so attached that my parents feared I could suffer a jealousy attack. When my mom and my new-born brother came home from the hospital, my father sent me to my cousin’s place to spend the night there. I only saw Tomás on the second or third night he was home.
After hanging up with Mai, I nearly stared to sob. I don’t know why, but I was extremely happy to know that the “strange thing” inside Mai’s body, came out and started living, eating, breathing…This was the first time I heard someone at the beginning of life.
Today was not a cool day, at work my computer wasn’t working properly, so I had to read documents while my PC was being updated (the IT guys did several updated in the course of the afternoon). I came home tired as hell wanting to see an episode of twin peaks, just to discover that I finished the first season and had no episodes left, Hannes has the second season at home; I hope I get more DVDs tomorrow.
Just some minutes ago, my flatmate came home and saw me with a glass of Grüner Veltliner; and the “Groovie”, as they call “Grüner Veltliner” in NY, is, together with Chardonnay, the wine I usually drink when I write my blog.
I have the slight feeling that Anne (I am allowed to use my flatmate’s real name on my blog) thinks I am an alcoholic. This Monday Anne, Verena, Hannes and I dine together. Before starting to eat we had Prosecco, then red wine, and after dinner we had gin sours…we, means all but Anne. When preparing the gins, I felt like clarifying something to Anne, so I told her that we are not alcoholics, we are only on our thirties.
I am having a last sip…before finishing this entry...oh yeah!
Yesterday, her child was only 72 hours old, and the baby sounded so wonderful! I can’t remember hearing a child as young as Mai’s son. When my brother was born I was five and very attached to my mom, so attached that my parents feared I could suffer a jealousy attack. When my mom and my new-born brother came home from the hospital, my father sent me to my cousin’s place to spend the night there. I only saw Tomás on the second or third night he was home.
After hanging up with Mai, I nearly stared to sob. I don’t know why, but I was extremely happy to know that the “strange thing” inside Mai’s body, came out and started living, eating, breathing…This was the first time I heard someone at the beginning of life.
Today was not a cool day, at work my computer wasn’t working properly, so I had to read documents while my PC was being updated (the IT guys did several updated in the course of the afternoon). I came home tired as hell wanting to see an episode of twin peaks, just to discover that I finished the first season and had no episodes left, Hannes has the second season at home; I hope I get more DVDs tomorrow.
Just some minutes ago, my flatmate came home and saw me with a glass of Grüner Veltliner; and the “Groovie”, as they call “Grüner Veltliner” in NY, is, together with Chardonnay, the wine I usually drink when I write my blog.
I have the slight feeling that Anne (I am allowed to use my flatmate’s real name on my blog) thinks I am an alcoholic. This Monday Anne, Verena, Hannes and I dine together. Before starting to eat we had Prosecco, then red wine, and after dinner we had gin sours…we, means all but Anne. When preparing the gins, I felt like clarifying something to Anne, so I told her that we are not alcoholics, we are only on our thirties.
I am having a last sip…before finishing this entry...oh yeah!
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